Monday, October 20, 2008

Stair Scare

According to i have Climacophobia: fear of stairs, climbing or falling downstairs.
yes, i know i have just admitted something that probably makes you wonder if i'm secretly doing drugs on the side, but i'm not. I'm just clumsy....around stairs....a lot.
I've gotten to the point that when i am at the top of the stairs i have to ignore/refuse to see the image of myself falling down them. Otherwise, i'm scared to actually descend the steps. If i hadn't spent so many times falling, i wouldn't feel this way, but unfortunately, i have tumbled and not stepped to my destination more than i care to remember lately.
My most recent trip happened Saturday. My roommates were gone. Both work the nighshift at their jobs and are out of the house by 6. There was a note near the bottom of my steps asking me to please feed the dogs. It was beside 2 cups of dogfood. Easy enough.

I should have known better.

I decided to feed the dogs on my way out to meet one of my friends that evening. I finished getting ready a little later than i had planned. I was rushing. Bad idea. Down the steps i go. The cups remind me that the dogs are waiting patiently for me to feed them. With approximately 5 steps left, i bend over, grab the cups of food, stand back up, and step down with my left foot. It goes forward while the right one refuses to move. My heel is stuck on the carpet. Oh great. Here we go again. In slow motion my knees hit the steps in front of me. I watch my arms come foward over my head and wince as my elbows land on the bottom step. At last, my head rests on the floor just below the stairs. Breathe. I can still breathe. This is good. Am i ok? What hurts? Move things. The first thing i notice is that one cup of food is still sitting completely upright in my hand, food in place, while the other cup is across the room, it's contents scattered everywhere. I groan, then pull my legs down to be with the rest of me at the bottom of the stairs. My right foot and ankle are very pink, and i'm feeling confident that a nice carpet burn is on the way. My elbows are surprisingly ok. My right knee has begun growing a goose egg on top of the knee cap, but i can walk. Walking is good. After convincing myself that bumps and bruises are the worst of my injuries, i fill the spilled cup, feed the dogs, and walk out the door past the scattered food. The dogs can eat it when i get home.


Kara Dixon said...

Dear Flossy Lossy,

I need advice! I have Anuptaphobia and Androphobia and Aphenphosmphobia... oh and coprastasophobia...

I just don't know what to do, please write back with any tips you may have.

HILARIOUS! Loved the site! Do people really have those kind of fears? Craziness!

beth said...

poor melody! yea the doggies ate it when they got home. i loved when john said "fell down? dog food everywhere at the bottom of WHAT stairs?! what was melody doing with dogfood up there?!