stick that on your bumper!

It never fails.

Every time i get in the car and go somewhere, there's always a minivan (ok, it's not always a minivan, but 9 times out of 10 IT'S A MINIVAN) boldly displaying a bumper sticker broadcasting to the world how proud the driver of that minivan is of their child's brainpower.

For example: "Proud Parent of a Little River Elementary School Honor Role Student," "Proud Parent of an Accelerated Reader, " "Proud Parent of Albert Einstein."

Ok, so i haven't actually seen that last one, but the bumper sticker may as well say it. I mean, your kid gets a few "A"s on their report card, and BAM! Look out bumper, you're about to get stuck!!

Not that i'm downing being smart and making good grades. That's wonderful. I sincerely hope my daughter grows up to be an Honor Roll Student, Accelerated Reader, and all that other good stuff parents hope their kids will do. If she makes some "B"s, no problem. "B" does not stand for "bad grade." If she comes home with a "C" on her report card, well, i'll probably be a little disappointed, but it's not like her mother never made a "C" on her report card. A little subject called Math that turned into a more complicated subject called Algebra and went on to become an impossible subject called Physics was not my best friend.

But, i have NO PLANS to EVER slap a bumper sticker on my Swagger Wagon that loudly proclaims the brainpower of my child. Just not my thing.

HOWEVER....let's say the kid comes home from school one day with a note from the Principal saying something like:

Ms. Losier,
It has come to our attention that your daughter, a 5th grader at Such N Such Elementary School, is responsible for the food fight that disrupted our normally event-free lunch hour. As a result she will be serving a Double Detention in which she must scrub the bathroom floor baseboards with nothing but a toothbrush. Thank you for understanding.
Principal So N So

First of all, no child of mine will ever be made to scrub any public bathroom baseboards as a form of punishment. If that's an issue, we'll promptly find a new school.

Second things second, since i've had my own fair share of Double Detentions (mostly for dress code violations or standing up on the bus or, let's say, being "disrespectful" to the Principal's grandson who was my substitute Spanish Teacher and all of two years older than me...normal things you would expect to receive a Double Detention for), how upset can i really be at my own child receiving a Double Detention??

Thirdly, HOW AWESOME WOULD THAT BUMPER STICKER BE??? Smack dab in the center of the ol' Swagger Wagon, this is what it would say:

"Proud Parent of the Kid Who Started the Food Fight at Such N Such Elementary School"


Your kid may be a brainiac, but MY KID throws a hamburger like Drew Brees throws a football.